Carolyn Kizer: December 10, 1924 - October 9, 2014
10.17.2014
She was my poetry mentor, great friend and goddess.
We now live in what was once her Paris apartment, full of many of her poetry books and some of the novels she loved. I am too full of emotion to do her justice yet.
But here is one anecdote that says everything about her: an admirer wrote her a letter, but did not have her current address, so simply wrote on the envelope: The White Goddess, Chapel Hill, North Carolina. The letter was delivered to Carolyn.
Richard and I ran a poetry series with three other poets (Jeanette Clough, Jim Natal and Jan Wesley) in the late 1990s at the Rose Café in Venice. Just as we launched it, Richard and I met Carolyn at the Petaluma Poetry Walk with Jackson Wheeler. She and I fell instantly in love with each other. She was one of our first readers in the Rose series, which helped to make it a success.
Carolyn was one of the first feminist poets in America. Long before I met her, I relished her sharp, witty, clear poems, recognized in them something very close to my own taste. I loved the deep subject matter, the light tone and style of her mind and her poems.
She went to Sarah Lawrence College, which I attended for a year, studied mythology with Joseph Campbell, who was one of the writers whose books saved my life in my twenties. Most of her poems are mythological or erotic or celebrating friendship. She once told me she considered friendship more important than marriage. I said, marriage for me is more important, the romance in marriage. But there was romance in our friendship, too.
She was an editing maniac, generous, but outrageous. When Richard’s first book of poems, What the Heart Weighs, was published, he gave her a copy over dinner in Venice. When he stepped away from the table, she immediately began editing the poems (in ink in the book!). I worried about his response, but when we left her, he said, I’d be incensed if it were anyone else, but not Carolyn. The edits were minor tweaks, but all good.
When I sent my manuscript of poems, The Minotaur Dance, to her, asking for a blurb, she edited every one of them and every one was improved. And the blurb was a delight.
When she stayed with us in Playa del Rey, our cat Marley visited her in the guest bedroom. She made a huge impression on him. Not only was she as appreciative of his handsome white and gold-furred self as we, but even better she took him to bed for the night, a treat he never got from us who value our sleep.
I cherish the books we have from writers we know. But the one with the inscription that I treasure most is Carolyn’s note to me in Cool, Calm and Collected: Poems 1960-2000:
“for beloved Kaaren,
the best friend of my eighth decade—
what a joy you are to me!
Carolyn”
written in her distinctive handwriting that is as easy to read as print. (No rococo flourishes there—she was direct and clear and unpretentious in all things.)
Speaking of unpretentious, I accompanied her to the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books one year. She spoke on several panels; we went to various events as audience. I remember one panel discussing poetry, in which we sat in the front row. One of the poets on the panel was a woman we both knew, a fine poet, but a rather abstruse thinker. The woman was expressing some modern, convoluted, deconstructive babble that Carolyn just couldn’t stand. We listened, growing bored, until Carolyn had had enough and shouted at the woman from the audience. I was mortified, though I agreed with her.
Carolyn was born under a Sagittarius Sun and Gemini Moon. People born at exactly the Full Moon are often visionaries. (You don’t have to take it from me; I was thrilled to read this notion long after I’d intuited it, in William Butler Yeats’ A Vision.) Those born at the Full Moon tend to be what Willy called antithetical, aristocratic, visionary, artistic, passionate not sentimental, valuing the aesthetic over the useful, solitary vision over service to mankind, humor over melodrama. That’s Carolyn.
After we were married, Richard and I used to visit Paris and stay in Carolyn and John Woodbridge’s apartment in the Latin Quarter. (He, an architect, would have preferred the sixth arrondissement, but she wanted to live in the arrondissement where Dante had once studied and taught.) Occasionally over the years, we’d overlap visits with John and Carolyn, and go stay somewhere else. John often cooked dinner, which we ate around their round black dining table. He took us to the best open air market nearby, and introduced us to the only shop we’ve ever heard of that offers excellent frozen food, Picard.
We’d talk for hours about poetry, novels, Paris architecture, people, cats, and tell stories, endless stories.
When Richard and I tired of weeping with joy every time we arrived in Paris and weeping with sadness every time we left, and decided to find a way to live in Paris, we began looking for an apartment. At the time we were staying at Carolyn and John’s apartment, so called them to let them know what we were doing after the first day of looking. John called the next day and said, It’s getting hard for Carolyn to travel. Would you consider buying our apartment?
Would we! It was exactly what we were looking for. We determined the highest we would go, they came to a selling price below which they wouldn’t go, and, voila!, it was the exact same price down to the euro. Now, all we had to do was sell our house in L. A. at the bottom of the worst housing market in memory. We went ahead with applying for a French mortgage, and it was more complicated for Americans to buy an apartment in Paris than all the other financial transactions combined in our lives. But after a year, it was done.
We never were able to host John and Carolyn here, as she did stop traveling such distances, and the early signs of her dementia became evident when we last visited her in Sonoma, before we moved here permanently in January 2011. In spite of the obstacles to communication at the end, we never stopped loving the two of them.
I will be sifting through memories for a while to remember all I can about Carolyn and our friendship. I’m rereading her magnificent Cool, Calm and Collected: Poems 1960-2000. One brilliant poem after another. She won the Pulitzer Prize for her book, Yin, but she might have won it for any one of her books. There is no one else like her, this frank, eloquent, elegant, beautiful, generous, sharp, funny goddess. A great poet, great friend, great soul. Irreplaceable.
*
CAROLYN, DEPARTING
(Carolyn Kizer: December 19, 1924-October 9, 2014)
Moon, bright eye
in a cloud-shrouded face.
Great blue heron, I see you
sailing away.
Reader Comments (12)
How beautiful, Kaaren and Richard. Although I didn't know her, I can certainly understand, now that I have heard some of your most precious memories of her, why your friendship and love was so instant and so pure. Much love to you and Richard as you grieve and celebrate your dear friend ~ Jennifer
What a lovely tribute, Kaaren and Richard. Big hugs to you both during this difficult time, and thank you so much for sharing your words and images in remembrance.
Love,
Sheyene
Thank-you for sharing your beautiful friend with me.
Dear Jennifer,
Thank you so much for your loving words. Richard and I are grateful.
Much love,
Kaaren & Richard
Dear Sheyene,
How wonderful to hear from you. Thank you.
We're glad we can stay current with your news and photos online.
Big hugs to you, Steve and Truman,
Kaaren & Richard
Chris,
Thank you so much. Yes, she was very beautiful, in person and in her work. If you haven't already read it, I know you'd enjoy her great collection, Cool, Calm and Collected: Poems 1960-2000.
Much love,
Kaaren & Richard
She's alive still, somewhere.
But you brought her back to this life for all of us. Thank you.
Anna,
I feel that, too. And so did she.
Here's the last two stanzas of her poem, Blessing, about her mother (then a ghost) and daughter, Ashley:
"I lean on the bosom
of that double mother,
the ghost by night, the girl by day;
I between my
two mild furies,
alone but comforted.
"And I will whisper blithely
in your dreams
when you are as old as I,
my hard time over.
Meanwhile, keep warm
your love, your bed,
and your wise heart and head,
my good daughter."
Her hard time is over. And that is a blessing.
Love to you, Anna,
Kaaren & RIchard
Thank you for that beautiful tribute. Blue heron, yes! I taught and lived in Paris for the past twenty four years and often visited Carolyn and John in their apartment before the travel part of coming to Paris became too difficult for them, especially her. I met Carolyn first through her poetry, of course. Then, the pleasure of Many meals, aperos which became meals, great conversation, laughter, drop ins, discoveries , etc. Witty, warm, poetic, artistic, great sense of humor!! entirely alive, observant -- a great pair, and one felt illuminated in their sunny welcoming presence. For years when they were not in residence, I would walk by their place and think of them, of Carolyn, the great moon goddess, and of her poetry. I am so glad that you, Kaaren and Richard, are the ones living there now. I still spend time in Paris, and hope to meet you one day. You sound absolutely lovely, both of you. a bientot, and all the best, Kathleen Spivack
Kathleen,
What a generous comment! Thank you. I can well understand how you and Carolyn and John would have been great friends. Generosity: that was their essence. She, especially, was someone who couldn't resist giving blessing whenever the opportunity arose. Yes, they were truly awake, just as you describe them.
The apartment looks different now, but still has that soul you found when they lived here. You must come and see for yourself when you're next in Paris, and we'll raise a glass to Carolyn, and John, too. A number of friends have recommended we meet, and so we will!
I started to say, Best wishes, but no--love to you,
Kaaren & Richard
Oh Kaaren (and Richard), I am so sorry for the loss of another cherished friend! How lucky to have found each other and nurtured each other!! This is a beautiful tribute in words and visuals.
With love, Suki
Thank you so much, Suki. The loss is offset by the fact that she was released from dementia, a horrifying state for anyone, but especially someone like Carolyn, whose words and communication were gold. There have been many tributes to her, full of love and admiration. That was what she inspired.
Much love,
Kaaren & Richard